I'm not doing a very good job of keeping this thing up to date, am I?

See I told myself that this blog thing would be a good idea... to keep a diary of sorts, sharing my thoughts and documenting my happenings, if only for my own interests. But I also told myself that I probably wouldn't do very well at keeping up with it.

Maybe that's the problem. I thought negative thoughts about myself. Didn't really trust myself. I find I do that more often than not. Deep inside I know that the negative, self-deprecating outlook only leads to more feelings of failure. I know that. I have even taught that. Yet I struggle with it myself and don't really know how to get out of it.

I so envy friends that are very self confident. Friends of mine that seem to have it all together. The perfect family, perfect house, perfect job, perfect haircut, new cars, high paying salaries. How did they get to be so successful? I sometimes think... well maybe if I had chosen a different major in college. Or maybe if I had gone on to get a masters degree. Maybe if I was more extroverted. Or maybe ....

This is not at all what I set out to write about tonight. I was planning to just mention how lax I am about updating my blog. Then I was going to share a little bit about what's been going on in my life in the last few weeks. So how in the world did I end up writing about my inadequacies? And why would I dare share them in a public forum? Heck if I know. It just sort of spilled out from my fingers as I typed.

I know, I know... count your many blessings. And I do. Believe me, I am very grateful for the tremendous blessings in my life. A wonderfully supportive and godly wife who is a dynamo of a mother to my boys. Three awesome sons. A roof over my head, food in my pantry, and wonderful friends and extended family. Not to mention a business that is still afloat after two years. Wasn't sure that could happen.

I feel better already. I suppose I need to count my many blessings more regularly, naming them one by one.